Dressed for Debate

Which picture is the original? And what colors do you see there? It varies - right? So the great dress debate is about lighting, filters and perception. It has also brought to light how narcissistic many become when trying to get others to change their mind or see things the way they do.

I have heard, "You're wrong, you're dumb, you're stupid and you're crazy." Upon first glance, I saw goldish taupe stripes of lace on a white or light blue fabric dress. Some of my friends swear it is blue and black...period. I asked them to clarify the color of blue they were seeing by having them point to something with the same color. It was usually a bright, sort of royal cobalt blue?


If I hold my phone back and squint, I can see how the dress can be seen as blue and black. Either way, I find an interesting lesson in it all. Narrowing our focus to only that which we see, is clearly what divides us. And just think of how much energy you have wasted in this silly debate. I obviously bought in as well. You can link here to see John Mayer posted a video on Instagram using a color finder that I enjoyed  https://instagram.com/p/zoKAV3OEcv/ (FYI the black at the bottom of the circle is stationary - look at where the pointer is aimed). And here is a screenshot of an Instagram post that shows the dress in different lighting compared to the picture that sparked the debate.

So this selfie Sunday, I took this picture, inside, from my phone,  late last night. There is no natural sunlight, only one overhead light and a lower lamp. Each time I changed the lighting, it changed the color in the picture. And once I decided on a picture, I added different filters. 

It's all the same. No need to debate. Just accept and respect that others may see things differently than you do.

Oh and by the way...the 2nd pic down is the original (with a little touch up on my forehead to soften the wrinkles that appear when I make that face). 

Young Love is in the Air and Parents Everywhere are Scared

February is the month for romance, or so the card and gift companies tell us. I don’t have much to share in this department personally. Meanwhile, my 16 year old son Zach and his girlfriend Rachael are in LOVE and recently celebrated their two year anniversary.

This seems rare at their age and it scares me because that is longer than his Dad and I ever dated before getting married young, (our anniversary use to be on Valentine’s Day). A single Mom for over ten years, guilty as charged with a tendency to over protect, I have navigated this new uncharted territory with the same "out of my control" realization as the divorce and my son’s recent driving lessons. But I am still the parent and teacher, often times chauffeur and hand check police chief. They have heard me say, “Slow your roll” a lot lately because I told them both it is hard to slow things down once you start the roll down hill it picks up speed. I feel like a spy creeping in to check on them while they are “watching” a movie. In these moments it is hard to not have a relationship with my ex, who only sees the kids once or twice a year. I sometimes wish I had a present partner in all of this newness or that I could stop time and make different choices in my youth. I don’t have the luxury of good cop, bad cop or deferring decisions. That is where faith, forgiveness and a lot of prayer and meditation kick in.

In those peaceful and aware moments, I find contentment and feel grateful and happy that Zach is confident, smart and now taking the wheel and finding his own way in life and love. He also has a job and can now pay for his own dates and gifts, which is very nice. I have done my best to give him all the love and tools he will need to figure it out. We talk openly about pretty much everything, so I’m thankful for that. And when I feel he has tuned me out on certain subjects, I have enlisted my brother, Uncle Rob to talk to him. The good thing is, Zach and Rachael are able to talk to each other easily and they have worked through disagreements and separation since we moved to a new school district.

Who knows where it will go from here? My 14 year old daughter Kaiya and I both really like Rachael too and the fact that Zach is completely himself around her. They were really good friends for a long time before it turned into a thing, so she already feels like family in many ways. They both play sports and get good grades. They keep busy and see each other about once a week for a “date” with parents trading off carpooling and hosting at home or driving them to a public place. Zach is getting ready to take his driver’s test and I will be forced to detach even more at that point. Yikes!!!

I am trying to readjust my own expectations and timeline to accept and enjoy this stage and age. When I see red flags, I have talked to both of them together and in private. Rachael’s Mom and I also get along and talk a lot, mostly via text. This is the parenting life that you are never really prepared for, but must take one day at a time. It is what it is for now…Young love…And a lesson in letting go for us parents.

It’s a whole new world, especially with social media these days. But they really are cute and also very open…Check out the video Rachael (who is also very good at media and graphic arts) made for Zach on Instagram embedded above or link below (and since I am a musician I must credit the song by Drake, Hold On We're Going Home)… http://instagram.com/p/jprJibyIlX/

For a laugh on the subject...watch this Old Spice Commercial..