Young Love is in the Air and Parents Everywhere are Scared

February is the month for romance, or so the card and gift companies tell us. I don’t have much to share in this department personally. Meanwhile, my 16 year old son Zach and his girlfriend Rachael are in LOVE and recently celebrated their two year anniversary.

This seems rare at their age and it scares me because that is longer than his Dad and I ever dated before getting married young, (our anniversary use to be on Valentine’s Day). A single Mom for over ten years, guilty as charged with a tendency to over protect, I have navigated this new uncharted territory with the same "out of my control" realization as the divorce and my son’s recent driving lessons. But I am still the parent and teacher, often times chauffeur and hand check police chief. They have heard me say, “Slow your roll” a lot lately because I told them both it is hard to slow things down once you start the roll down hill it picks up speed. I feel like a spy creeping in to check on them while they are “watching” a movie. In these moments it is hard to not have a relationship with my ex, who only sees the kids once or twice a year. I sometimes wish I had a present partner in all of this newness or that I could stop time and make different choices in my youth. I don’t have the luxury of good cop, bad cop or deferring decisions. That is where faith, forgiveness and a lot of prayer and meditation kick in.

In those peaceful and aware moments, I find contentment and feel grateful and happy that Zach is confident, smart and now taking the wheel and finding his own way in life and love. He also has a job and can now pay for his own dates and gifts, which is very nice. I have done my best to give him all the love and tools he will need to figure it out. We talk openly about pretty much everything, so I’m thankful for that. And when I feel he has tuned me out on certain subjects, I have enlisted my brother, Uncle Rob to talk to him. The good thing is, Zach and Rachael are able to talk to each other easily and they have worked through disagreements and separation since we moved to a new school district.

Who knows where it will go from here? My 14 year old daughter Kaiya and I both really like Rachael too and the fact that Zach is completely himself around her. They were really good friends for a long time before it turned into a thing, so she already feels like family in many ways. They both play sports and get good grades. They keep busy and see each other about once a week for a “date” with parents trading off carpooling and hosting at home or driving them to a public place. Zach is getting ready to take his driver’s test and I will be forced to detach even more at that point. Yikes!!!

I am trying to readjust my own expectations and timeline to accept and enjoy this stage and age. When I see red flags, I have talked to both of them together and in private. Rachael’s Mom and I also get along and talk a lot, mostly via text. This is the parenting life that you are never really prepared for, but must take one day at a time. It is what it is for now…Young love…And a lesson in letting go for us parents.

It’s a whole new world, especially with social media these days. But they really are cute and also very open…Check out the video Rachael (who is also very good at media and graphic arts) made for Zach on Instagram embedded above or link below (and since I am a musician I must credit the song by Drake, Hold On We're Going Home)… http://instagram.com/p/jprJibyIlX/

For a laugh on the subject...watch this Old Spice Commercial..

There is a Difference

I am reading Catching Fire at the urging of my tweenage daughter Kaiya, who is completely into the Hunger Games trilogy and has seen the first movie three times now, (FYI- I only paid for one). Josh Hutcherson is her first crush, but as an actress she is even more into and inspired by Jennifer Lawrence. It is what it is.

There are some who have warned against young teens watching this movie and reading the books because the premise is so violent. I guess that all depends upon the maturity of the youth and the conversation you have with them as they read through the books and see the bigger picture and story, while also keeping perspective of it all as fiction with life parallels. My daughter's grandfather was a Sergeant Major in the Army and we have other family currently serving in the US military. I have had many interesting conversations with my kids on the subject of war and peace; prejudice and poverty; compassion and humility. I do not shelter my kids from life. I work as a community advocate and they have been with me serving at soup kitchens and played with the children who were homeless; they have been to Goodwill Industries where I worked with individuals who live with disabilities; to the inner city as I now work in outreach at the local university to empower health, wellness, social entrepreneurism, with violence prevention initiatives in the city. My kids have also grown up attending various churches where they questioned why "Christians" seem to be so judgmental and clique.

We read and know of so much violence in the Bible and throughout history. No one seems to flinch at kids watching passion plays that nail a bloody Jesus to the cross. I am moved by those scenes because of the relationship and understanding that I have there spiritually. I see situation which  force us to fight against the violence to defend and survive. I see men and women with the courage and determination to defend what is right and the honor that should always be awarded to those who fight for our freedom. I also see how power has been abused many times as the enemy sometimes lies within and war has become big business and corruption is a virus.

Ultimately I do believe that peace of heart and mind will be the only force that will win for good. I seek to understand the other's culture and viewpoint to hopefully bring forth new understanding that is not at war. Even in moments when I have to remind myself to live and forgive my ex husband who sometimes acts as an enemy to my family. I am open and will continue to seek peace. As Kaiya says, "Haters are gonna hate and potatoes are gonna potate." So when I see that there is a fierce and hateful force in the universe that is not in its right heart and mind and is determined to fight, I write...

"There is a difference between violence and resistance; defending verses being defeated
There is a difference between wrong and right; where courageous souls may sacrifice
There is a difference between night and day; a dawn that breaks and penetrates
There is a difference between interrupting hate with the intention of lives to save
There is a difference between what you say and how you choose to live today
There is a difference between violence and resistance; defending verses being defeated"

By shawna ray, today 4/12/2012
(And please forgive me if I write typos. I am so not an editor and usually write this stuff in the moment and send it out as it is written with my thumbs from my phone. Hashtags still seem odd to me too, but they work. I welcome edits and do go and back and make changes as they are needed. I am always surprised to find that someone has actually read and responded to something that I have written and released. So it's all good. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. If I had the means and money to record and release the songs that come with these thoughts and moments, and connections to those who are more experienced and talented at producing and making music, I would love to share those too. I have yet to be able to fully create the music that I hear in my head as I write along. There is a difference between ready and reality too. Someday soon...)
www.shawnaray.com