THE CORE, Shawna Ray thoughts for today

I have been there where she is

Since I've loved and lost and lived

Made and birthed and raised the kids

Still have dreams

Life has changed my heart and mind

My body has worn in time

I can see and feel your eyes

Wandering

I will not compete with a younger me

What is underneith is divine

You get what you see, full transparency

Trying to avoid the knife

What is at the core

Of what you're longong for?

Some are trying to relive

Glory days without the stress

Finally we have the give

For the take

There's a world I want to see

Will you share it all with me?

Continue learning, growing

Please don't trade

I will not compete with a younger me

What is underneith is divine

You get what you see, full transparency

Trying to avoid the knife

What is at the core

Of what you're longong for?

I'm conserving all my energy

On what matters most in life

All the pety and the surface things

Will not steal away my time

Live and laugh and breathe, share your thoughts and dreams

With the ones who need your love

More aware we grow and evolve to be

At a higher consciousness

Getting to the core

Forward we explore

We cannot go back

Onward and upward

Let go of regret

Value and worth

Insight and presence

Peace in the knowing

Sharing and giving

All that we've learned

Getting to the core

Of what we're longing for

Shawna Ray, thoughts for today

ASAP by Shawna Ray, inspired by John Mayer

(Woke up at 5 am and read this post on John Mayer's Instagram story. This was my response that flowed from there ... Disclaimer if you listen to the audio note: This is me laying in bed singing into my phone memo to remember the tune that came with the muse - thinking noone will ever hear it. But this is the only thing that does come easy for me and I don't mind sharing the real and raw first draft, as it is if there's the slightest chance he'll see it and come play guitar on one of the songs he has inspired)

I get a drift on by awareness
They say what's easy don't stay long
And what last long will not come easy
Well I am soft, but I am strong
Mm hmm

ASAP
I need you to
Come here and see me
I'm horny babe
ASAP
Is not soon enough
Not soon enough
Not soon enough

I have to watch you pour your heart out
For everyone - you're still alone
While I am working and I'm longing
I think it's time we found the one
Mm hmm

ASAP
I need to
Come here and see me
I'm horny babe
ASAP
Is not soon enough
Not soon enough
Not soon enough

I've been looking to feel love
Love keeps looking away
I've been waiting to meet you
Ready for the heartbreak?
Why not?

ASAP
I need to
Come here and see me
I'm horny babe
ASAP
Is not soon enough
Not soon enough
Not soon enough

- shawna ray, today

#johnmayer #johnmayernews #asap #music #newmusic #shawnaray 

Sent from my Sprint Samsung Galaxy S7.

More to Learn

I have always known
Open to the muse and sing along
Feeling in the flow
Hear the music playing a new song

Dancing on the red rocks
Crowd is on the lawn
You are moving with me
Never be alone
Knowing what we've always known
There is always more to learn
Knowing what we've always known
There is always more... 

We will be okay
Journey from the past into the now
Seek to understand
Light is pouring down around cloud

Dancing on the red rocks
Crowd is on the lawn
You are moving with me
We're never alone
Knowing what we've always known
There is always more to learn

Time well spent with family
Watch your shooting star
Thankful I am hearing you
Whethere near or far

Knowing what we've always known
There is always more that we don't know
Knowing what we've always known
There is always more..  
Reminding reminding
Remind me what I've always known
Come find me and teach me
I'm learning there is more...

Live, give, love, laugh and learn,

- shawna ray, today 8-5-2017

Morse Code

Morse Code
You know
some kind of Morse code
All this inuendo
Is really messing with my brain
If the message
Is intended
to get to me
Then come and say it to my face

Why do people think its okay
To air all their dirty laundry
All hung up on the wide web
Thinking that your letter was sent

You know
some kind of Morse code
All this inuendo
Is really messing with my brain
If the message
Is intended
to get to me
Then come and say it to my face

I stopped reading long time ago
Deal with what I know that I know
All my real friends I keep close
They know how to reach me directly

However, you know
some kind of Morse code
All this inuendo
Is really messing with my brain
If the message
Is intended
to get to me
Then come and say it to my face

Twitter talking mixed messages
All sarcastic keep talking shit
I can't tell if you're interested
Sort of L you is that F you?
Book of face is nowhere near truth

You know
some kind of Morse code
All this inuendo
Is really messing with my brain
If the message
Is intended
to get to me
Then come and say it to my face
to my face
just come and say it to my face

- shawna ray, today

april 1

Sent from my Sprint Samsung Galaxy S7.

Women Empowerment Movement - How could you turn away?

What did you do to my lady parts? 

You meshed me all up
Cut and paste on my body parts
There's no turning back
Doctors who are meant to serve
Not to hurt - haven't you heard?
We have been through hell and back
How could you get away with that?
Why would you turn away?

What did you do to my farmer's food?
You changed it all up
Modified the genetic code
Our bodies can't digest
Leaders who are meant to guide
Not to lie! Not to hide
Eating poison is suicide
How could you get away with that?
Why would you turn away?

So why are girls not allowed to learn?
How can you hold a modern slave?
When we work hard we should earn!
Equal opportunity!!!

If it wasn't for a woman - you would not be here today!
You do not control my body - every person has a say
We are standing and we're marching - equal work is equal pay

You can say it's all delusion while we've lived it every day
And we need a change
Yeah we need a change
We will make a change!

...How could you turn away?

Shawna Ray original from 12/25/15

I haven't been sharing on this blog lately. Mostly on Instagram @shawnashares. But I have been pregnant with so many song for too long. I have to share in whatever ways I can. Working full time to put my two kids through college after raising them on my own after their Dad left when they were ages 3 and 1 - I haven't had the time or means to release my music as I had hoped. But it's coming soon - in the form of a musical memoir that tells the stories of how each song helped me get through major life situations. This song talks about the vaginal mesh surgeries that put me through hell. Still waiting for reparations from Bard - the makers of the mesh they knew would be harmful and painful. I had to endure several surgeries and proceduces to remove the mesh and have healed over time, while still dealing with nerve damage in very sensitive areas. It's hard to talk about these matters, but much like the modification of our food and the inequality and brutality women face all over the world...I still can't understand how people can get away with such atrocities! We must use our voices to make a change. To stop the violence and negligence that greed and narcissistic power plays produce. I also want to share another song I posted the day of the Women's Marches in Washington and around the country...

SHE 

She marched to the beat of alive - you could feel the rhythm
Looked people straight in the eye - she could see your soul
She sang to explain the pain and so releasing
She would not give up on try until succeed
She is rising from the ashes
She is loving unashamed
She is moving with love's army
Who will break walls peacefully
She is revival
This is revival

She is born with the power to grow a seed inside her
Holding life she can move the tides from day to day
She can feel what you feel - aware, a quiet knowing
Heart and mind, body aligned to pave the way

She is rising from the ashes
She is loving unashamed
She is moving with love's army
Who will break walls peacefully
She is revival
This is revival

We are soft and strong
We are wise and brave
One and one for all
We will break the chains
She is revival
This is revival
We are revival
He is revival
I see revival 

shawna ray, original song copyrights reserved. Blog post on Instagram that day...

I am marching in Spirit today, although I was not able to get off work or make the trip. I march for equality. I march for love. I march for peace. I march for sisterhood. I march to the beat of alive. 

For me - it is not about  fighting hate with hate and angry protest. I march peacefully, in support of an empowering movement in forward motion for equal rights and unity in love. As a single Mom with two kids - I have to be at home and at work. A survivor of abuse, I am an empowered  woman, daughter and sister in support of equal rights for all people - standing for women's lives and rights, black lives and rights, indigenous lives and rights, muslim lives and rights, lgbtq lives and rights, individuls who are disabled and marginalized, immigrant lives and rights, religious freedom, racial unity and love for all people and animals. 

This new administration has personally attacked and offended me and millions. This is a multifaceted movement in a multicultural world calling for change. 

I might not agree with all of the statements the women made on this day or what they stand for. But I stand for the rights of ALL women and am inspired to also share my story. I am empowered seeing this revival of women and quality men who support equality - rising up...I am with you today and every day. 

👊#girlpower #womensmarch #lovehatestrump #riseup #march #equality #whyImarch #empowerment #she #we #shawnaray #women #chooselove #together #women #womensday 

Sent from my Sprint Samsung Galaxy S7.

Appearing - Shawna Ray, today

Small means nothing - matter of mind
Stars seem tiny while they shine bright
Closer you get - the more you see
Bigger than what is appearing

First impression we encounter
All depends on the observer
Closer you get - the more you reach
Deeper than what is appearing

Time and growth, like a layered stone
At the core and heart of a crystal soul
And the more you seek is the more you'll know
Beyond the surface  

Small means nothing - matter of mind
Stars seem tiny while they shine bright
Closer you get the more you reach
Farther than what is appearing

- shawna ray, today 9-7-2016

Sent from my Sprint Samsung Galaxy S® 6.

distance

soft blankets curl up

but I can't sleep
what is this power
you have over me?

i tried to say no
if you won't follow
why would I
keep on following?

last on your list
could've been us
you had to keep your distance
watch as I go
finding my own
you'll have to go the distance

why is this a game
you hunt and chase
those who will play
that hard to get

show and you tell
ego is swelled
ignorant don't know
what you missed

last on your list
could've been us
you had to keep your distance
watch as I go
finding my own
you'll have to go the distance

in another life
maybe I'll catch your eye
in another life
i'll have learned not to try

so sorry but i don't know you

so sorry ill keep my distance

so sorry but you're not on my list

- shawna ray, today

Singing into phone memos again...

Sent from my Sprint Samsung Galaxy S® 6.

Like That

So the sunshine and the flowers...
Will be beautiful, when no one cares.
On the mountain, when the sun sets...
Beauty exists. Do you like it?

I think we've got it backwards...
Always living for approval.
On my bucket list is stillness...
And realness,  moving forward.
Even if you don't like that.
Yeah, even if you don't like me.
Well, even if you don't like that...
I will, I will be free!

Keep dancing in the bedroom...
In the car, I'm happy singing.
No awards are ever given...
For the small crowd, silent funding.

I think we've got it backwards...
Always living for approval.
On my bucket list, is stillness...
And realness, moving forward.
Even if you don't like that.
Yeah, even if you don't like me.
Well, even if you don't like that...
I will, I will be free!

To be myself.
Giving hugs and smiling.
If you aren't feeling it...
I don't need you to like me.
I will still tell you what I think...
Agree to disagree?
We've got it backwards...
Always living for approval.
On my bucket list is stillness...
And realness, moving forward.
Even if you don't like that.
Yeah, even if you don't like me.
Well, even if you don't like that...
I will, I will say...
Even if you dont like that.
Yeah, even if you don't like me.
Well, even if you don't like that...
I will, I will be free.

- Shawna Ray, TODAY...Optimusic Share

Sent from my Sprint Samsung Galaxy S® 6.

Love Me or Love Me Not

Picture a little girl picking off the petals of a flower saying, "He loves me, he loves me not..." Years later, she is still singing this song...

Subtle is the way we let things go
Hoping that you'll choose to stay
Passive and aggressive, you should know
Life is all about the change

Love me or love me not?
Love me or love me not!
If you're not the one who can love me as I am...
Then it is what it is not love...

Hiding in the friend zone long enough
Caring from a far is safe
Intimate is far more intimate
Suddenly the tides have changed

Love me or love me not?
Love me or love me not!
If you're not the one who can love me as I am...
Then it is what it is not love...

All I need is for you to love me.
Don't change me. Then who would I be?
If you're not the one who can love me as I am...
Then it is what it is
What it is...What is it?
Well it is what it is NOT love.

-Shawna Ray, today

Sent from my Sprint Samsung Galaxy S® 6.

NEW MUSIC in Process. Please celebrate my birthday with me...

Today is my birthday. Presently is the name of a new song I wrote on a milestone birthday, April 30th and the proposed name of a new collaborative EP - where I am asking you to celebrate with me by supporting new music. Through surveys on Indiegogo and Birthday Backer voting, whether you support with $1 or up to $10,000 - you become members of The Ray Team, as if you are the record label. So you get to help decide what songs end up on the EP, and what the cover looks like. There are corporate sponsorship opportunities at the highest levels and I would love to work with you if you are interested in those options. And in the end, the story will be ours to tell. You're not only the supporter - you're the co-creator.

Five years after my OPEN album was released, I have so many more songs I want to share while also seeking publishers for my book, “Destination is the Journey," a memoir that shares the stories behind these songs. Because of health issues and a major surgery in 2010 and again in 2013, I never got to tour with OPEN album, so that is the plan with this new venture, now that I am healthy and determined to turn my creative side into my career.

LINK TO CHECK IT OUT...

Other Ways You Can Help

For those of you who have already given so much and have a full plate of your own bills and goals, I totally understand if you are not able to give at all. Prayers and good vibes are free and also much appreciated. Also please share the links with your network or select contacts you feel might be interested in sponsoring. I have sponsored several projects, from $5 to $25 and friends and people I’ve ever met but believe in were able to publish books, make documentary films and record albums this way. So I am excited and getting over the uncomfortableness of asking for help.

Thank you, for everything. I truly appreciate your support, love and friendship. 

Make Room

I'm sending love to the demons

I feel you coming for me

If in the blood there's forgiveness

It must be hell to relive

I'm setting you free

Setting you free

Letting it go in love

To make room for peace

I'm sending love to the haters

I feel you fighting with me

If I remind you of traitors

You think I'm the enemy

I'm setting you free

Setting you free

Letting it go in love

To make room for peace

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I'm sending love to my young self

You cannot know until you know

All of the wounds brought you to now

It's in the learning you grow

And this might all seem cliche

Well this is a new day

I've learned to love the hard way

Best lessons come from mistakes

I'm setting you free

Setting you free

Letting it go in love

To make room 

So make room 

For peace 

...................

It's all good,

Live, give, love, laugh and learn,

Shawna Ray, today...

Dressed for Debate

Which picture is the original? And what colors do you see there? It varies - right? So the great dress debate is about lighting, filters and perception. It has also brought to light how narcissistic many become when trying to get others to change their mind or see things the way they do.

I have heard, "You're wrong, you're dumb, you're stupid and you're crazy." Upon first glance, I saw goldish taupe stripes of lace on a white or light blue fabric dress. Some of my friends swear it is blue and black...period. I asked them to clarify the color of blue they were seeing by having them point to something with the same color. It was usually a bright, sort of royal cobalt blue?


If I hold my phone back and squint, I can see how the dress can be seen as blue and black. Either way, I find an interesting lesson in it all. Narrowing our focus to only that which we see, is clearly what divides us. And just think of how much energy you have wasted in this silly debate. I obviously bought in as well. You can link here to see John Mayer posted a video on Instagram using a color finder that I enjoyed  https://instagram.com/p/zoKAV3OEcv/ (FYI the black at the bottom of the circle is stationary - look at where the pointer is aimed). And here is a screenshot of an Instagram post that shows the dress in different lighting compared to the picture that sparked the debate.

So this selfie Sunday, I took this picture, inside, from my phone,  late last night. There is no natural sunlight, only one overhead light and a lower lamp. Each time I changed the lighting, it changed the color in the picture. And once I decided on a picture, I added different filters. 

It's all the same. No need to debate. Just accept and respect that others may see things differently than you do.

Oh and by the way...the 2nd pic down is the original (with a little touch up on my forehead to soften the wrinkles that appear when I make that face). 

Equilibrium Love

EQUILIBRIUM
- shawna ray, today

Is my infatuation
Merely a soul distraction?
Pulled by a wind that's waiting
For you to notice me

I want to be in the groove
With you, drifting by
Equal to librium
No less and no goodbye
Equilibrium
Equilibrium

Free, as you are, I'll love you
As long as you're loving
Constant as one, thou separate
Pure as the light of day

I want to be in the groove
With you, drifting by
Equal to librium
No less and no goodbye
Equilibrium
Equilibrium

Reaching reaction
In forward action
Equal attraction
This give and take
We lift each other
Holding our own as
We love and let love
Staying the change

I want to be in the groove
With you, drifting by
Equal to librium
No less and no goodbye
Equilibrium
Equilibrium

Reaching reaction
In forward action
Equal attraction
This give and take

- If you hear music to match these lyrics, please email me at shawnaray @ live.com so we can collaborate. T'm writing this from my phone since my computer died this week. It lived a good life and is at peace now. So please excuse any finger peck typos.

So this image above is art that was submitted in the search for a human rights logo back in 2011. Sorry I do not know the name of the artist. They chose another logo that is perfect.  But I also love this image that reminds me of what I think of in terms of real, lasting love, that is equal and unwavering. This also represents all levels of human interaction, attraction and collaboration. There are certain elements that allow individuals to bond in friendship or work together on a level that allows each person to bring their gifts to the table and by joining together, the multiplied result is greater good and increased value. Every human being has this potential and deserves equal respect. At the same time, there are some who have a certain chemistry or vibration that just seems to fit together.

I have been processing the idea of an equilibrium love, a chemically reactive equivilant. I think a soul mate is not one who completes or changes you. The two remain constant as individuals, though uniting as one. Understanding that all life goes through changes, I have been longing for a pure and unchanging bond that allows two people to love and grow naturally, moving forward together, without taking anything away from the individual.

I have loved to a fault and been loved to a fault. It seems to often be one sided, where one gives more. What I want is an equal. Not someone who is exactly like me. But someone who matches me and feels me. I have no idea what that really means yet. I hope that I will know when I find and feel it. All I know is, I am no longer willing to settle for anything less. I have wasted a lot of time and energy in soul distractions and self sabotage. So I am spending more time asking myself a lot of questions these days. Becoming who I am meant to be. Finding and expressing my true self and finding my own balance from within. That way I will also be open and able to recognize and connect with team and band mates and in this case, hopefully a partner someday to share the journey.

Growing Up Dads

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads, and those who fill those shoes. Special thanks to all single Moms and those who mentor and support kids who do not have present Dads. This is a picture of my son with his Dad before the divorce.

I remember being so angry that my ex was not involved in his kids lives or paying child support for years. I wrote and posted this song, "Don't be a Dead Beat" last year. Sorry that relationships with writers can be a blessing or a curse. But since I aired the dirty laundry then, I am happy to report that he has been paying child support for over six months now and has seen his kids three times this past year! Compared to my Dad and many who are actively involved, there is still major room for growth. But I have learned that when we focus on the good, it can then increase.

Many boys and girls become Dads and Moms before they are ready for the full responsibility. Maybe they did not have an example and positive role model of how to be an active and encouraging Dad/Mom, or they just lose their way for a time in selfishness, addiction and negative choices that take them so far down the wrong path that they struggle to find their way. Watching Oprah Winfrey's series on single Moms and Dads, what I realized is that many Dads become defeated and give up because they feel like failures and act in that belief. Especially when there is a strong Mom involved, and we do become Mamma Bears to protect our children, always reminding them of how they fall short.

So today, I want to thank all of the imperfectly perfect Dads and the Father of my children, for the times when you have been present and have supported your kids. To all of the Dads and Moms who are still growing up... Today is a new day! You have a choice, to be there for your kids. We ALL fall short and need grace. We need to be reminded of who God made us to be. Life is short. Make the time to show your kids you love them. Forgive your Dad for what he couldn't do and choose to do better.

I am thankful for the time I had with my Dad. Bob Goebel was an awesome Father! I have this framed picture below of a rainbow, because he was the one who taught me to "Look for the rainbow" through every storm, and never give up. While I was in college, my dad was battling cancer. One day after a weekend visit at home, I found this note inside a heart that my Dad had written on one of the inside pages of my binder. Losing him when I was 22, I have treasured this piece of paper. And I added this fortune cookie note in the frame, "Character matters. Leadership descends from character." My Dad was a true leader, with integrity and character. He was not perfect, but he was always present, seeking God and planning fun adventures for our family. I had no idea then that he would be gone too soon. I miss him so much!

Every little thing that Dads do to say and show, "I love you" matters! It is not about the amount of money you spend. It is showing that you care. Do not give up! Do what you can. Live forgive and be present, today. We will get through the growing pains. Every experience teaches us the lessons we need to learn to move forward and be our very best with each new day.
Happy Growing Family Day!

Maya Angelou, Phenomenal Woman, sung by Shawna Ray

Video above in memory of Dr. Maya Angelou, where I am singing her poem Phenomenal Women into my phone, with words listed. I found this photo by Adria Richards with a quote through ASCF.org online, so I hope that's okay. Now I wish I had done more with this sooner.

But here's the story...I wake up and sing song ideas into my phone all the time, but I never intend for anyone to hear them publicly. In April I woke up and sang this rough a capella version of the poem for some reason. (Can I possibly give any more disclaimers?? Like if I was 11 wouldn't you think this was okay? And do you realize that most of what you hear in music has been highly processed and recorded with high tech microphones? And most people sound awful singing into a phone. Ahhhh Let it go already). All I know is, I have to share. 

Rest in peace. You will be missed. And we will forever be grateful for the legacy you left behind and your Heartsong that lives on through your writing and those you have inspired.

 – Shawna Ray   

Website: www.shawnaray.com
Direct link to videos on youtube: http://youtube.com/imshawnaray 

See previous blog entry for another song collection of Maya Angelou poems posted yesterday, a Timeless Face of Grace with Poetry that Penetrates...

http://shawnaray.blogspot.com/2014/05/timeless-maya-angelou.html

Timeless, Maya Angelou

A few years back  a friend gave me The Complete Collected Poems of Maya Angelou book for Christmas. As I refreshed my memory re-reading the works of one of my favorites, Maya Angelou, I noted some quotes under the headline, "A timeless face of grace and inspiration." I pulled and placed the quotes and excerpts from some of her poems into a sort of song or collective in lyrical form. I call these "Maya Moments" when creativity is flowing, even if I don't know where it is going. I am nowhere close to the writer she is, but she truly inspires and motivates me. 

This collection has been saved in the memo on my phone. When I heard the news of her passing today, I found this and decided to post it. I also found a very rough recording where I sang Maya Angelou's poem Phenomenal Woman into my phone and made a video with the words to that poem to share. 

As Maya said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." I know that's right! If anyone finds it hard to read mixed bits and pieces from poems that they hold dear, please know that my intention is to honor Dr. Maya Angelou, as I hold her dear as well. This previously caged bird continues to find ways to sing. I hope to somehow record the song soon.

In memory..

Timeless, Maya Angelou    

Excerpts referenced below from Maya Angelou poems placed into song lyric form through Shawna Ray, 2011 

Maya Angelou

Poetry that penetrates

“In minor note the difference                   

In major ways we're all the same”    (*1)

Maya Angelou

“Birthing’s hard and dying’s mean                      

Living's a trial in between”   (*2) 

A timeless face of grace

           

"Now thread my voice with lies of light      

Force within my mirror eyes

The cold disguise of sad and wise

Decisions"   (*3)                                                      

            

"So if today I follow death                          

Go down it is a trackless waste 

Salt my tongue on hardened tears

My precious dear oh time's waste race" (*4) 

           
“Will you have the grace to mourn me?     

Will my writing tell of time?”

Doubt and fear ungainly things

With blushings disappear”  (*4)

         

I think about myself and laugh                          

“A dance that's walked a song that's spoke

For when I think about myself

I laugh so hard I almost choke"   (*5)

“My folks can make me split my side              

The tales they tell can sound like lies

They grow the fruit and eat the rind

I laugh until I start to cry”  (*5)

Maya Angelou

Poetry that penetrates

“In minor note the difference                         

In major ways we're all the same”   (*1)

Maya Angelou

“Birthing's hard and dying's mean                 

Living's a trial in between”   (*2)

A timeless face of grace

Yes I will have the grace to mourn you         

As your writing tells of time

“Doubt and fear ungainly things                      

With blushings disappear”    (*4)

Maya Angelou

Poetry that penetrates

Maya Angelou

A timeless face of grace      

 Excerpts from the follow Maya Angelou poems: 1) Human Family; 2) Is Love; 3) How I Can Lie to You; 4) Mourning Grace; 5) When I Think About Myself)

Rest in Peace. Your Heartsong lives on...

Destination is the Journey

Destination is The Journey

- Shawna Ray, original song written Oct 20, 2008

I seem to just wander all over the page

You say to go forward and put things in place

But I say this time spent in motion and dreams

Is creative direction and maybe it seems

We circle to get to the core

Until the journey takes me to the point

Where all of this meandering makes more sense

While I get there you will hear me sing

The destination is the journey

The winding of lines are all so intertwined

Look out at the rivers where streams meet in time

They push but still turn, avoiding the damn block

Still moving though slowly eroding the rock 

Life moves with intentions unseen

Until the journey takes me to the point

Where all of this meandering makes more sense

While I get there you will hear me sing

The destination is the journey

So you keep your straight lines and boxes for containing

I’ll keep my circles, emoji  is still smiley

You keep your type A for fixing and dictating

I am OK with Being me 

As the journey takes me to the point

Where all of this meandering makes more sense

While I get there you will hear me sing

the destination is…

(The Muppets) Near------ far ---

So near ------and far

 The destination

The whole fixation...

And seemingly aimless direction
In art and laughter
The now and the after
The raw fresh beauty 
In family and nature
This is a journey!
Please share it with me
Life is a journey!

Aftermath

Aftermath

Music in the Making by Shawna Ray, today 5/7/14

You might have liked the young and pretty me

So full of armor, light and energy

Choices were made and now I’m living

Consequences of a worn down dream  

There’s a new growing grass

Flowers bloom again

All is well, no regrets

What remains intact?

Unbroken, unharmed, unscathed, complete

Untouched, uncut, undefiled, indiscrete

Is a good, good heart

With a love to laugh

There’s a free bird soul

With an olive branch

Coming back from the aftermath

I'm coming back from the aftermath

Some lessons we must learn the hard way

So we can help another someday

Divided we can fall and ruminate

Still love that penetrates is worth the wait

There’s a new growing grass

Flowers bloom again

All is well, no regrets

What remains intact?

Unbroken, unharmed, unscathed, complete

Untouched, uncut, undefiled, indiscrete

Is a good, good heart

With a love to laugh

There’s a free bird soul

With an olive branch

Coming back from the aftermath

I'm coming back from the aftermath

There's some things beyond our control
I'm ready to finally let go

With a good, good heart

And a love to laugh

There’s a free bird soul

With an olive branch

Coming back from the aftermath

I'm coming back from the aftermath

Single Moms Club

I went to see The Single Moms Club on Friday, opening night with my girlfriend Michelle, another single Mom. I LOVED it and had a blast! Tyler Perry movies just have a way of thoroughly entertaining while informing, connecting and unifying like only a few can do. What I loved the most was chatting with the diverse group of women in our row and around us in the movie theater, (there were some cool men in the audience too). We were all laughing together and sharing similar heartaches and connections.

SPOILER ALERT - One scene that bothered many of us was when all of the Moms left all of the kids with a neighbor that Hillary had just met because one of the kids went missing. We all busted out laughing when someone said, “Why are they all just taking off and leaving them kids with Stranger Danger?” My new friend to my left said, “I bet that boy is just upstairs making out with Miss Thang, (the daughter of the career women who was craving attention and had been caught kissing a boy earlier).  It was odd that they all piled in one car and drove across town to the Moms house before really searching the designated babysitter Mom’s house first. Of course this provided that dialog moment in the car with all of the Moms.

Another funny moment was when the uptight publishing career women (who most of us were completely hating on in the beginning, but came to at least understand in the end) finally disclosed that she had been so busy climbing the corporate ladder that she had been celibate, no sex, for 10 years. The out loud audience comment, “That’s her problem right there!” made us laugh out loud! I feel you girl!    

All of us had stories to share about times when our ex-husbands or baby daddies did not show up to pick up the kids as promised and how we handled their disappointment, tears and anger that usually gets redirected at Mom and creates issues down the road.  If only "I'm sorry" made everything all better and we could then live happily ever after as friends. Of course all of these single Moms end up with seemingly great guys and that is not realistic. But I guess we do enjoy fantasizing in movies.  I too would be happy to meet the actor who played T.K. and/or get my book/movie published by a friend. Just sayin’.

Thank you Tyler Perry for sharing this story that brought to light some of the strongest individuals on the planet – single Moms! And like you explained in your email blast, most of us did not get here by choice. So please people don’t hate on single Moms.  The reality is that most women, whether single or not, still do the majority of the work raising kids while also working jobs and keeping up with all of the extracurricular minutia.  Yes there are good Dads out there and also single Dads who do it all too (props to you). I have not ever had the experience of an equal partner in love, but I try to keep it open. Like Lytia (my fave- Cocoa Brown) explained to Hillary, “You just wake up every day and do what you gotta do!” (something along those lines)

Keeping it real – my girlfriend thought this movie served up a little too much quickly sliced cheese in between white buns, in terms of the dialog and neatly stacked story line. It might be because we are a bit jaded at times as single Mom and we know it’s unrealistic to think that men like that would be so available and understanding of our sit-chi-ation. But we choose to look for the good, most days.

I would love to find and help organize an actual Single Moms Club of some sort. In fact, I will just put this out into the universe that I have been developing ideas for SMILE homes (Single Mothers Integrated Living Exchange) that would allow single mothers to share the load in a nice home. I welcome ideas, collaborators and especially investors!!! Send me a private message here or on Facebook if you want to connect.

Live, Forgive, Love, Laugh and Learn,

Shawna Ray

Heartsong

February 20^th is the day my Dad died. Some might say he passed away or moved on to the next life. I was 17 years old when we found out he had cancer and 22 when he died. I love this amazing man so much and struggled to make sense of it all for a long time. I still miss him. 

In the Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume II he wrote to the widow of his friend, “My friendship is not ended. His death has had the very unexpected effect of making death itself look quite different. I believe in the next life ten times more strongly than I did. At moments it seems almost tangible. Mr. Dyson, on the day of the funeral, summed up what many of us felt, ‘It is not blasphemous’, he said ‘To believe that what was true of Our Lord is, in its less degree, true of all who are in Him. They go away in order to be with us in a new way, even closer than before.’ A month ago I would have called this silly sentiment. Now I know better. He seems, in some indefinable way, to be all around us now. I do not doubt he is doing and will do for us all sorts of things he could not have done while in the body.”

I wrote Heartsong after the funeral of my Grandmother, in memory of her, my Father and other loved ones who have passed on. They gave me the support and encouragement to finally record my first album. 



It sucks to lose people you love. That's real. But when we are open, we can still feel their touch in our lives and hear their voices that continue to guide. I have faced a series of life and health challenges since I recorded the album and was never able to tour. I am in the process of writing a novel that tells the story and have two new albums of songs in the waiting. I will not give up on this dream.

The Heartsong lives on in each of us who hold the memories we cherish as we chose to live, give, forgive, love, laugh and learn.

-          Shawna Ray