Vicarious

Vicarious, I wish I was
Walking in shoes I don't lace up
Notorious, not showing up
Detoured from what I say I want

Casting for a big fish
with a little hook
Somehow got the bait and switch
It's a chance I took
Dreaming of a someday
Man it could be good
If I could get out of my own way

Oblivious, to what it takes
I wish on stars and hesitate
Unanimous, we all have days
When go is stopped and we are late

Jumping through a big hoop with no clue
How to get to Oz when
Stuck inside a zoo
Dreaming of a someday
Man it could be good
If I could get out of my own way

Get out of my own head
Get out of the fear that
Only hurts me when I let it
Walking right on through this
Saying you can do this!
Come on little scaredy cat!
Do you really want to live...

Various?
Though conscious of...

Casting for a big fish
With a little hook
Finally I am baited with a long heavy thread
Holding tight and looking out not in
Man this will be really good
Reeling in reeling in...
Reaching for the good is when you catch it!
Now release it if you can...

Casting for a big fish

with a little hook

Somehow got the bait and switch

It's a chance I took

Dreaming of a someday

Man it could be good

If I could get out of my own way

Doing things my own way, my own way

Shawna Ray yesterday, 5/25/12
The idea for video to this song is very cool. Yes I know I am a fool with limited outlets ...

www.shawnaray.com

It Is What It Is

It's strange this time
Talking over wine
BB King playing like he's giving advise
You are my friend
And it is what it is
I can't tell my heart who to love, how to live

Ooh ooh ooh
This one is a miss
Ooh ooh ooh
It is what it is

I fell in love
It never seemed to work
Frozen in time with a jaded heart
I'm glad you're here
I love you my dear
Brother and sister with a hug at the door

Ooh ooh ooh
This one is a miss
Ooh ooh ooh
It is what it is

I cannot imagine you not in my life

But it's missing that thing, you know that we've tried

You deserve someone who will love you like you do

Ooh ooh ooh
This one is a miss
Ooh ooh ooh
It is what it is

Ooh ooh ooh
This one is a miss
Ooh ooh ooh
It is what it is
It is what it is
It is what it is

Shawna Ray, today, May 20, 2012
www.shawnaray.com

I'm listening to John Mayer

Captured the 11:11 Countdown to #JohnMayer new album Born and Raised streaming for free. I already bought the album and look forward to May 22nd release, but early first listen is cool. An unexpected gift. Like the time I went to LA for an author's conference and found out via twitter that John was doing an impromptu secret show at the Troubadour a block away from where I was staying. 

True story…My friend since sixth grade, Michelle's husband had passed away a week before and her kids were going to stay with family for the weekend. She didn't want to be alone in the house, so I bought her a plane ticket at the last minute so she could come with me to California to relax and enjoy the sunshine while I was at the SCBWI Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators conference. We had planned to go to dinner that night after the session. I checked Twitter and got the message late about the concert. I was also scheduled to pitch a show idea from my children's book to Disney and Nickelodeon that next day and John was on Twitter talking about pitching a show somewhere. At the time it all seemed like some sort of fickle finger of fate that I was there and he was there. I am also a singer songwriter, and I wish I had pursued that earlier in life before I had kids and became a single Mom that needs to work. In that same breath, I have no regrets. I love my kids and enjoy my music that is not based on making money. 

We got there and found out that the show was sold out for us ordinary folk. So we went to eat and grumble at an Italian restaurant next door. Some of John's friends were right next to us at the bar saying John was on his way. When we were walking out I saw a body guard and then this guy came out and met these skinny California girls and started to lead them into the back room. I say that because I was feeling self conscious after gaining weight in the midst of some health challenges. In Ohio I look normal but California is full of skinny people it seems like. Anyway, all of a sudden I just found myself walking in behind these girls like I belonged there and was with them. John was at a long table eating with his friends and crew. They watched the two girls sit down and then all looked at me standing there like, "Who are you?" I felt stupid and walked on through because I didn't want to interrupt or for him to think I'm a strange stalker. I had thought that I would say, "Hi John. I'm Shawna Ray. Could you please open up more tickets so we can get into the show?" 

Instead I walked right past him and back to the bathroom, laughing at myself. I still can't believe I had the guts to walk in that room and then wimped out!?! I was seriously looking in the bathroom mirror and laughing at myself like WTF??? People are people, no matter what their title or celebrity status is in my opinion. But maybe I do crush a bit on this one and it freaked me out that he would look at me as a crazed fan. Maybe I am a crazy fan? All artists have those who inspire us- right? I am a music lover. Say what you will...John Mayer is still my favorite guitar player and songwriter. I dream of collaborating on a song with him one day. It could happen- right!?! Dream a little dream... 

So we went back and waited in line because they said there was a chance we could get in if seats became available from "no shows" on the important people list. I was so pissed that I almost left, but Michelle would not let me. Truth is,  it was one of those defining moments because I was mad at myself for living vicariously. I wish I was playing at the Troubadour with MY band, or at least  doing more with my life so I could have my name on the list and get in to see a show if I want to. What is that about anyway? My work in the inner city helps to empower people to move beyond poverty. Why is that not on the A list? The human list? I want to do more, but I have two kids who need me. I think my songs are okay for something I produced myself on a limited budget with no experience or guidance from professionals. I know I could do more. But I haven't.  And now I am babbling about it. I work in Public Relations and have coordinated large events. I understand crowd control. So it is what it is. The good news is we did get into the show after the first song and it was worth the wait. Small crowd, cool venue and we were close to the stage on the steps stage left. Felt like old times, when I first discovered John's music in college and had the time to take it all in. It was a great night. So much has happened since then...  


OK, so why is this thing not streaming yet? Ahhh the time space continuum is gonna kill me. I was up till 3 am last night working on the dreaded annual report for work. Sleep might just make me wait a few more days for new music. Yay! A Tumblr friend just told me to change the time on my computer. Brilliant! Thanks Tumblr friend. Streaming myself to sleep with Born and Raised. All good. 

Picture of Love (Mom) song Chords and soundtrack by Shawna Ray

Picture of Love (Mom)

Singer/Songwriter, Shawna Ray, Open album, ASCAP

Download song on itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/open/id364506056 

Download instrumental soundtrack to sing it yourself:http://shawnaray.bandcamp.com/track/mom-instrumental

Make your own picture video: 

                 Bb                          Eb                         Bb                   Eb

Picture of love, you are my mother.  We have a special kind of bond.

                   Bb                                     Eb                   Gm                  Cm

You have a heart that cares no matter, so that I can feel at home.

                 Eb                           D                     Cm                  Am

You are the one who’ll sit and listen, with a helping hand to lend

        Eb                        D                           Ab                         F

And now, as we are growing, you’ve become one of my best friends.

                     Bb  F                  C         Eb

A picture of love, a pillar of strength,

Eb                       Bb     F                    Cm         Eb

With comforting warmth and beautiful grace;

                    Cm

Thank you Mom,

                F                       Ab

You have been there for me.

                 Bb                          Eb                         Bb                   Eb

Picture a smile, a lifelong teacher, cheering me to always try

              Bb                           Eb                      Gm                  Cm

You give hugs and won’t let go when you know I need to be held

                 Eb               D                     Cm                  Am

You don’t claim to be perfect, but you love your family.

             Eb                   D                                 Ab                          F

What a gift when you admitted you’ve been learning along with me.

                      Bb                     C    Eb

A picture of love, pillar of strength,

Eb                       Bb     F                    Cm         Eb

With comforting warmth and grace;

       Cm

Thank you Mom,

    F                       Ab

You have been there…

            G/C                 Bb                   Cm                 F/D

For time together with lots of laughter, over meals we talk, (and talk and talk)

            Eb                    Bb                   Cm                              F

Those memories I will always treasure even after you pass on...

            Gm                  F/A                       Ab                          Bb

Picture respect and gratitude; picture my arms wrapped around you;

             Gm                 F/A                  Eb                           Bb                                   

Picture a child saying, “I love you.  Thank you for being there”…

      Gm F

A picture of love,

                        Cm Eb

Pillar of strength,

Eb                       Bb     F                    Cm         Eb

With comforting warmth and beautiful grace;

                        Gm                  Am

I picture your wise, forgiving face,

                        Ab       Bb

Waiting and praying; full of faith.

                   G/C                      Am

Thank you Mom, you have been there

                        G/C                       Am

Thank you Mom, you’ve always been there

                        G/C                 Ab                       Bb

Thank you Mom, you have been my picture of love

Well Fed

I like fresh muffins from the oven with chai tea
These things they make me happy
So why should I feel bad for missing
The mark of a perfect body?
I crave good sauce with spaghetti
And bread just laps up all the yummy
I love food and hate all the judging
Rock blankets are not comforting

If that's what you are expecting
You can keep your perfect pretty
I am laughing and you're gaging
Love and hugs from well-fed me

Is it ugly to be healthy?
I don't get just one way of looking
It's shallow, a plated kind of beauty
Heart and mind and spirit run deep
Agreed that exercise is needed
Be mindful not prone to over eating
I just think we need to be accepting
Each species has a purpose and place

If that's not what you're expecting
You can keep your perfect pretty
I am laughing and you're gaging
Love and hugs from well-fed me

I get that there is a balance
Moderation is the key
But this beauty misconception
Was built by advertising
Surgery and marketing
With Airbrushed models who are starving
This illusion now enlightening
The broken matrix needs fixing

More aware the tide is shifting
You can keep your perfect pretty
I am laughing and you're gaging
Love and hugs from well-fed me

I like fresh muffins from the oven
With chai tea
These things they make me happy

by shawna ray, today 4/28/12
My birthday is in 2 days and I want cake!
www.shawnaray.com

There is a Difference

I am reading Catching Fire at the urging of my tweenage daughter Kaiya, who is completely into the Hunger Games trilogy and has seen the first movie three times now, (FYI- I only paid for one). Josh Hutcherson is her first crush, but as an actress she is even more into and inspired by Jennifer Lawrence. It is what it is.

There are some who have warned against young teens watching this movie and reading the books because the premise is so violent. I guess that all depends upon the maturity of the youth and the conversation you have with them as they read through the books and see the bigger picture and story, while also keeping perspective of it all as fiction with life parallels. My daughter's grandfather was a Sergeant Major in the Army and we have other family currently serving in the US military. I have had many interesting conversations with my kids on the subject of war and peace; prejudice and poverty; compassion and humility. I do not shelter my kids from life. I work as a community advocate and they have been with me serving at soup kitchens and played with the children who were homeless; they have been to Goodwill Industries where I worked with individuals who live with disabilities; to the inner city as I now work in outreach at the local university to empower health, wellness, social entrepreneurism, with violence prevention initiatives in the city. My kids have also grown up attending various churches where they questioned why "Christians" seem to be so judgmental and clique.

We read and know of so much violence in the Bible and throughout history. No one seems to flinch at kids watching passion plays that nail a bloody Jesus to the cross. I am moved by those scenes because of the relationship and understanding that I have there spiritually. I see situation which  force us to fight against the violence to defend and survive. I see men and women with the courage and determination to defend what is right and the honor that should always be awarded to those who fight for our freedom. I also see how power has been abused many times as the enemy sometimes lies within and war has become big business and corruption is a virus.

Ultimately I do believe that peace of heart and mind will be the only force that will win for good. I seek to understand the other's culture and viewpoint to hopefully bring forth new understanding that is not at war. Even in moments when I have to remind myself to live and forgive my ex husband who sometimes acts as an enemy to my family. I am open and will continue to seek peace. As Kaiya says, "Haters are gonna hate and potatoes are gonna potate." So when I see that there is a fierce and hateful force in the universe that is not in its right heart and mind and is determined to fight, I write...

"There is a difference between violence and resistance; defending verses being defeated
There is a difference between wrong and right; where courageous souls may sacrifice
There is a difference between night and day; a dawn that breaks and penetrates
There is a difference between interrupting hate with the intention of lives to save
There is a difference between what you say and how you choose to live today
There is a difference between violence and resistance; defending verses being defeated"

By shawna ray, today 4/12/2012
(And please forgive me if I write typos. I am so not an editor and usually write this stuff in the moment and send it out as it is written with my thumbs from my phone. Hashtags still seem odd to me too, but they work. I welcome edits and do go and back and make changes as they are needed. I am always surprised to find that someone has actually read and responded to something that I have written and released. So it's all good. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. If I had the means and money to record and release the songs that come with these thoughts and moments, and connections to those who are more experienced and talented at producing and making music, I would love to share those too. I have yet to be able to fully create the music that I hear in my head as I write along. There is a difference between ready and reality too. Someday soon...)
www.shawnaray.com

Say the Name

A new song that came out in the shower today on Easter.
For me, this is where Happy Easter comes from.
Please respect that this is my personal faith walk and life.
I embrace all life as one. Celebrate, don't judge our differences.
This is where I share in the moment a variety of Shawna Ray today lyrics...

Say the Name

Sometimes I feel the darkness creeping
As if it wants to trip and steal me
I start to fall but find I'm standing
Firm I have learned that I can speak
To the mountain I say move
To the demons you must flee
To the light I walk in you
To the dawning of new day
Just say the name, say the name of Jesus
Power claimed in the name of Jesus
Say the name say the name of Jesus
I am saved by grace

When I am tired, tempted, lonely
The poisoned fruit awaits, attracting
Inside I know it's not fulfilling
Engage the heart to lead the brain

To the mountains I say move
To the demons you must flee
To the light I walk in you
To the dawning of new day
I say the name, say the name
Say the name of Jesus
Power claimed in the name of Jesus
Say the name, say the name of Jesus
I am saved by grace

Hallelujah
Calling to the children of light
Hallelujah
Calling to the well aware, don't fight
Hallelujah
Calling to revive and now unite
In peace and love, I feel alive

To the mountains we say move
To the demons, you must leave!
To the light we are the sea
Reflecting the dawning
Say the name, say the name of Jesus
Power claimed in the name of Jesus
Say the name say the name of Jesus
Elements received

No matter where you've been
No matter what you've done
No matter what they say
If you are feeling this...
Say the name say the name of Jesus
Love awaits in the name of Jesus
I am here asking forgiveness
Face to face with Spirit within us
Power claimed in the name of Jesus
Healing claimed in the name of Jesus
Purpose claimed in the name of Jesus
Say the name, say the name of Jesus
I am filled with grace


shawna ray, today April 8, 2012
www.shawnaray.com