Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Expanding my horizon

I've been tumblr blogging this year and have felt safe and comforted there. I enjoy sharing pictures and music and surfing through random posts in that very creative community. But I really do want to stay OPEN and share my songs, lyrics, stories and writing ramblings to a wide audience, in the form of a sort of musical memoir. So, I am trying to figure out what’s next?
Possible rejection from agents, editors and publishers is so freakn scary! To avoid it, I started my own company; Rhythm Ray Inc. to self published my children's book, "Take a Trip to Diverse City" after one and only rejection letter from my unsolicited submission to Harper Collins. It was actually a very nice letter, first from the Children's Division president saying that she was passing my book on to the editor, followed by the Harper Collins editor’s letter saying that it just didn't fit in their program list at the time. Rather than keep trying, I published myself and have enjoyed sharing at schools, community festivals and churches. I figured I needed to build a platform as a first time author. First print of 1,000 with Winter’s Press sold, then Rhythm Ray printed a special edition of 5,000 sold with a CD music version of the book with Atlanta music group B5.
I thought my background in Public Relations would allow me to do it all myself, but I hadA LOT to learn. I absolutely HATE promoting myself is the first thing I learned real quick. As a single Mom, this has been an adventure and humbling poverty experiment. I did have the opportunity to share on The Today Show, nominated by my daughter Kaiya and chosen as one of the finalists on a CBS Special, "America's Favorite Mom" in 2008, sponsored by Teleflora. That seems like forever ago! Last year I self published my first album of original songs, "Open" with an inheritance gift from my Grandmother after she passed away. I had lost my job and have struggled to find work in this recession, moving in with my Mom. We about killed each other at first and writing was the one thing that got me through. I am not sure what I expect to come from all this, but it’s been pretty uneventful thus far. I released an album and only performed three shows this year. What the hell is wrong with me? Every time I got a new band together, the guys would move away to find work outside of Columbus, Ohio. This happened three times and since I have been petrified of being alone on stage, the music was OPEN but few people walked through the door. That’s what it feel like anyway. I mean, it has been out there on itunes and such, but I am still broke and undiscovered.
I feel like I have missed way too many steps for far too long. I also auditioned for Oprah’s OWN show, using my last dollars to fly to Atlanta. I didn’t receive a call back. I had started out in Broadcasting wanting to be like Oprah!!! The mantra of so many. Much like my interest in John Mayer’s music; just one of the millions of fans. My inner critic has a hayday with these pipedreams. It feels sort of like a myth and I am taunted by a looming fear and the reality of rejection as if I am still that 11 year old dreamer. I have been procrastinating while babbling and posting in hidden blogs; dabbling in facebook and twitter circus training. Meanwhile, retracing my misteps and mentoring my younger self while tracking this reinvention process in a sort of musical memoir. My book in process is now at 101, 001 words. It's about time I start searching for more outlets. I promised that young writer that I would help her finally follow through this time! I want to prove to my kids that dreams really do come true if you do not give up. Really? Is that true??? All I know is…IM OPEN.