February is the month for romance, or so the card and gift companies tell us. I don’t have much to share in this department personally. Meanwhile, my 16 year old son Zach and his girlfriend Rachael are in LOVE and recently celebrated their two year anniversary.
This seems rare at their age and it scares me because that
is longer than his Dad and I ever dated before getting married young, (our
anniversary use to be on Valentine’s Day). A single Mom for over ten years, guilty as charged
with a tendency to over protect, I have navigated this new uncharted territory
with the same "out of my control" realization as the divorce and my son’s recent driving
lessons. But I am still the parent and teacher, often times chauffeur and hand check police chief. They have heard me say, “Slow your roll” a lot lately because I told them both it is hard to slow things down once you start the roll down hill it picks up speed. I feel like
a spy creeping in to check on them while they are “watching” a movie. In these
moments it is hard to not have a relationship with my ex, who only sees the
kids once or twice a year. I sometimes wish I had a present partner in all of
this newness or that I could stop time and make different choices in my youth. I
don’t have the luxury of good cop, bad cop or deferring decisions. That is
where faith, forgiveness and a lot of prayer and meditation kick in.
In those peaceful and aware moments, I find contentment and feel
grateful and happy that Zach is confident, smart and now taking the wheel and
finding his own way in life and love. He also has a job and can now pay for his
own dates and gifts, which is very nice. I have done my best to give him all
the love and tools he will need to figure it out. We talk openly about pretty
much everything, so I’m thankful for that. And when I feel he has tuned me out on
certain subjects, I have enlisted my brother, Uncle Rob to talk to him. The
good thing is, Zach and Rachael are able to talk to each other easily and they have
worked through disagreements and separation since we moved to a new school
district.
Who knows where it will go from here? My 14 year old daughter
Kaiya and I both really like Rachael too and the fact that Zach is completely
himself around her. They were really good friends for a long time before it
turned into a thing, so she already feels like family in many ways. They both
play sports and get good grades. They keep busy and see each other about once a
week for a “date” with parents trading off carpooling and hosting at home or driving them to a public place. Zach is getting
ready to take his driver’s test and I will be forced to detach even more at
that point. Yikes!!!
I am trying to readjust my own expectations and timeline to
accept and enjoy this stage and age. When I see red flags, I have talked to
both of them together and in private. Rachael’s Mom and I also get along and
talk a lot, mostly via text. This is the parenting life that you are never
really prepared for, but must take one day at a time. It is what it is for now…Young
love…And a lesson in letting go for us parents.
It’s a whole new world, especially with social media these
days. But they really are cute and also very open…Check out the video Rachael (who
is also very good at media and graphic arts) made for Zach on Instagram embedded above or link below (and since I am a musician I must credit the song by Drake, Hold On We're Going Home)… http://instagram.com/p/jprJibyIlX/
For a laugh on the subject...watch this Old Spice Commercial..
For a laugh on the subject...watch this Old Spice Commercial..
